In Search of Joyful Undulation

Why is it that we KNOW it’s so important to move our bodies every day but we can’t seem to manage it long term? I think it has a lot to do with our perception that exercise can and probably should be slightly punishing.

Oh yeah! Did you say Boot Camp?! Sign me up! Sounds aMAZing! Can we please do burpies until we puke?!?

So I’ve been re-framing how I look at exercise. I know it’s important for my health, so I’ve decided that I’ll only commit to doing what I will show up for EVERY DAY. And as a result I have a quite impressive routine of walking and stretching. But, come on…I do it every day. That gets points, right?!

I know you’re already riveted by my exercise routine so you probably can’t wait to hear about my latest adventure. In an effort to keep things fresh and exciting, I signed up for water aerobics and chair yoga.

…I’m kidding.

But seriously, in an effort to move in ways that are Joyful and Intuitive, I signed up for an online belly dance class. It had the word “beginner” in the title and I think something about “healing” as well so it seemed safe for someone like me. Coordination often eludes me but this class seems like it’s on my level. Should be fun! And then… I realized we were meant to have our cameras on for the class. A mild case of terror set in and my mind went to work, grasping for reasons to cancel. However; I’ve also been working on recognizing my old nemesis FEAR when he shows up and gently letting him know who’s in charge.

“Like, you can be here Fear, but you’re not driving. You can sit in the back and make sure I don’t get into actual real trouble.”

So, here I am; being super mature and self-aware. I’m so enlightened.

“I see you fear.” I give him a knowing nod. “What’s up?”

Fear shares that he’s concerned about me being embarrassed, “Remember when you finally got the nerve to get on the dance floor, after practicing in your room for hours, at the 9th grade dance? The next morning you realized the crowd gathered around the bulletin board outside of English class was laughing at your picture. And what about that time on the dance floor at your work convention when people were doubled over laughing and calling your name? And may I remind you of the pictures from your Uncle’s wedding reception where you looked possessed? Your family cackled and called you the “Dance Demon”. I’m just saying…you might have some other things to do instead of this dance class.” Fear takes on an air of authority, “No worries, I’ve got you. I’ll gather a list of excuses for you. You just pick one and cancel. Then we’re all safe and comfortable. You’re welcome.”

It IS true. Fear has a legitimate concern about me embarrassing myself. I love to dance but it turns out I’m not particularly good at it. And when I say “not particularly good”, what I mean is that I somehow become a spectacle. It’s usually at a wedding and I don’t mind because it’s a fun festive occasion and laughter doesn’t feel out of place.

Somehow, the photographer’s attention always turns to me, so the bonus is that everyone gets to enjoy a memento of my antics afterwards whenever they want, as often as they like. Forever.

I’m well aware that coordination and rhythm make the dancing experience go a little smoother and it’s quite apparent that those things just don’t seem to be available to me. But you see…when I dance I feel so freakin’ happy. I feel alive! I’m channeling pure joy people! Can’t stop, won’t stop!

The best analogy I’ve come up with for my dance style is to think of a giraffe. One that has dropped from her mother’s womb only moments before. She seems disoriented and all of her limbs are flying in an erratic pattern. Also, it seems this particular giraffe may have had some trauma or loss of oxygen during the birthing process because she also seems a little “off”.

So, here I am signed up for this belly dance thing and now I’m panicked at the idea of being on video with people I don’t know. Dear God, what if the teacher records it?! And then posts it on her website for anyone to see?! It will be 20 years from now…I’ll be campaigning for President of the United States, and the video will pop up out of nowhere. They’ll make a parody of it. It will be in the news. They’ll all rock with laughter and I’ll lose the election. By a landslide.

I’m determined though. I’m committed. I’m doing the class. I’m so brave.

So, here I am. We all get logged in to our zoom room and introduce ourselves. I have made sure that all of the lights are out in my living room. I apologize that it’s so dark and that they can’t see me very well.

Fear winks at me with satisfaction.

Our teacher reassures me that she can see me just fine.

Fear’s eyes get wide.

The class begins. We warm up. We stretch a bit. We’re ready to dig in now. Our teacher tells us that we’re going to do a little move called “undulating”. Ooh fun! Should I channel Shakira or Elvis?! The instructor gives us very precise instructions. This move is done by pushing out our diaphragm, followed by our stomach and then pulling our hips in. She shows us in slow motion. Got it. Looks sexy. I’m excited; this is exactly why I signed up for belly dance! I set out to engage my diaphragm and tell it to “push out” as I watch our teacher continue to demonstrate… But, I can’t seem to get the whole thing to work for me. I call to my diaphragm but it’s not responding.

Fear is just sitting there filing his nails with a smug look on his face.

Our teacher suggests that we place our hand over our upper rib cage to help isolate and focus. My body responds to my commands with frustration, “OK, we finally found diaphragm… but it’s not listening!”

Diaphragm is frustrated too, “I AM listening! But I usually just hang out here unnoticed. I don’t understand how to do what you’re saying!”

It’s Ok, It’s Ok. We’ll get this worked out. So, I attempt to find some sort of motion that might look similar to what our teacher is doing. Yep, I think I’m getting it done! The teacher calls to me by name. “Olivia, it looks like you’re engaging your hips as well. This is a small isolated move. See if you can keep your hips tucked and still!”

Mmhhhmmmm. Got it. Hips tucked. Keep ‘em still.

My hips retort, “Uhhh…what do you mean?! You said we were doing belly dance and she just said “UNDULATE”! And I am HERE FOR IT! Woo-hoo! Yeah!” …What’s up diaphragm?! I see you! Let’s do this thing! This is great! Un-Joo-Lay-Ting!”

Our teacher laughs (Of course she is. I should have known this was coming.) and says, “I see A LOT of concentration going on! Try to keep a slight smile on your face!” At least she didn’t call me out by name this time.

I’m sure I look like I’m constipated and trying to poop.

How can a new born giraffe be constipated at such a tender age?!

Sigh…I wish I could share how the rest of the class went. Alas, because Fear felt slighted, he ushered Embarrassment in, who was waving an excuse in the air. Relief grabbed the excuse and typed it into the Zoom chat and quickly turned off the camera. After a long frustrating day at work, Fear left for some rest. I sat down quietly with Embarrassment and Relief, who were hugging each other.

And then I remembered that I signed up to belly dance as a part of my efforts to move my body with more Joy and Intuition. Those gals didn’t show up to this class for me. I tried and I’ll keep searching. And in the meantime, I’ll keep an eye on the mailbox for invitations to celebratory gatherings. I didn’t even get a chance to mention how much I LOVE to sing! I think it pairs nicely with my dancing. Karaoke anyone?!